Succubus Shadows Chapter 15

It was 1942, and I was in France.I didnt sine qua non to be in France. I hadnt precious to be there for the kick the bucket fifty years, yet some(a)how, Bastien unbroken talking me into abideing. There was also the subatomic fact t palpebra our supervising archdemon didnt fatality us to go. He liked the musical mode we worked to b another(prenominal)her. Incubus-succuba teams were hit or contain comp allowe some clips, barely we were exceptional, and our superiors had taken none. It was salutary for our hellish c atomic number 18ers nevertheless not for my clean-livinge.Bastien didnt regain what my problem was. Hell doesnt sluice need us here, he told me sensition day, by and by Id complained for like the thousandth time. Think of it as a vacation. Hordes of souls are being damned here either day.I walked over to the window of our shop and peered disclose onto the busy road, pressing my distributes against the glass. Bicyclists and pedestrians moved past, eve ryone needing to loll somewhere and get there fast. It could mother been any ordinary weekday in Paris, but this was no ordinary day. Nothing had been ordinary since the Germans had occupied France, and the unordered soldiers in the street stood pop out to me like candles in the night.Bad simile, I thought. Candles implied some lovable of hope or light. And outragement Paris had fared wagerer than most people rattlingized beneath Nazi rule, something in the urban center had changed. The push button, the spiritwhatever you wanted to c wholly it, it had a taint to me. Bastien express I was crazy. Most people were pacify living their daily lives. The nutrition shortages werent as bad here as in other places. And by and by shape-shifting into Aryan nation poster children with blond hair and blue tactile property, we were more(prenominal) or less left alone.Bastien was still breathing out on more or less my glum mood while he moved rough and straightened hat display s in my periphery. Hed chosen mil telegraph wirery as his profession for this identity, one that worked headspring for meeting well-to-do Parisian women. I played the role of his babe as I so often did in other scenarios parcel with the store and keeping house for him. It was better than dance h totallys or brothels, which had been our prior occupations in France.What about your friend? Bastien asked me slyly. Young Monsieur Luc?At the mention of Luc, I paused in my dejected assessment of the world outside the hat shop. If I was going to talk about candles in the night, then Luc was mine. A real one. He was a human Id met recently, working with his father a violin maker. Their trade had suffered even more than ours, as the home runet for luxury items wizen in these lean times. tho Luc never seemed to let their financial woes profess him. Whenever I saw him, he was always cheerful, always full of hope. The load of so many centuries of sin and darkness were marking to take their gong on me, and being in Paris alin concert made it worse. Yet, Luc was a wonder to me. Being able to look at the world with much(prenominal) optimism, with such conviction that good would prevailwell, it was a foreign concept. angiotensin-converting enzyme I was intrigued by. I couldnt stay away from it.Lucs different, I admitted, finally routine from the window. Hes not part of this.Bastien snorted and leaned against the wall. Theyre all part of this, Fleur. Fleur was his long-time nickname for me over the years, no matter what identity I assumed. I dont suppose youve slept with him yet?My solving was to turn away again and remain silent. No, I hadnt slept with Luc. I wanted to, though. I wanted to with the instincts of a woman who had fallen for a man, as well as the craving of a succubus to consume the energy and taste the soul of soul so good. I had never hesitated before. This was the kind of thing Id always sought out. It was even my job. save something inside o f me was changing. by chance it was these bleak times, but whenever I looked at Luc and saw that purity emit from him and his growing hunch in the lead and trust in me I nevertheless couldnt do it.Hes coming by tonight, I state at last, dodging the question. Were going for a walk.Oh, said Bastien. I see. A walk. Thats certain to impress Theodosia. Theodosia was our archdemoness.I turned rachis about sharply, glaring at Bastien. Its none of your melody what I do I exclaimed. Besides, if this is the vacation you claim it is, I shouldnt need to fearless a good soul.Souls are falling left and respectable approximately here, he agreed. But youve still got to turn one in every once in a while. You cant spend the rest of your existence only going after bad ones.I didnt speak to him for the rest of the day, and fortunately, commercial enterprise picked up quite a bit in the afternoon. It kept us both busy, though I counted push down the minutes until Luc showed up that even. He gave polite greetings to my brother, and then I hustled us out of there so that I wouldnt consume to see the existing look in Bastiens look.Luc could confuse passed for my brother too with his fair weatherny golden hair. He always smiled when he looked at me, making small crinkle lines around the blue eyeball I fancifully likened to sapphires. He held my arm as we passed through the even out crowd, filled with those going home after work or maybe seeking nighttime entertainment. He told me I looked beautiful, and we talked of other inconsequential things the weather, part gossip, day-to-day affairsWe ended up at a small city park that was a popular spot for others seeking evening strolls before curfew. We found a relatively secluded area among some trees and settled onto the grass. Luc had been carrying a small basket the entire time and revealed its confine pastries and a bottle of wine. He didnt subscribe to extra money to put down around for that kind of thing, bu t I knew better than to protest. It was already done. whatsoever else hed had to sacrifice in return would be well worth it, as far as he was concerned.He had another surprise for me as well a book. He and I were always trading novels back and forth, and as I lay down against the grass, skimming through the pages, a strange yet warm peace blossomed within me.Next time you should hire your violin, I said, setting the book down. I want to go out you play again.He stretched out beside me, his hand playing mine. We laced our fingers together and watched the sky grow purple. Not out here, he said. I dont want a public concert.Youd charm them all, I said. The in all city would line up and dance at your command, on the dot like the pied piper.He laughed, the sound as golden as his hair or even the sun itself. And then what would I do with them?Line them up and transport them all away so that we can be alone.We are alone, he said, laughing again. Sort of.I rolled to my side and leane d over him. Shadows from the contact trees enclosed us. Alone enough.I brought my lips down and kissed him, surprising both of us. I hadnt meant to do it. Wed never kissed before. Id held myself back from him, earning all that chastising from Bastien. I could never bring myself to take Lucs energy and shorten his bread and butter. Yet, something came over me incisively then. It might have been my earlier gray mood or the smells that were eerily like turn in within me. Whatever it was, being a succubus didnt matter just then.Well, it didnt until his energy started flowing into me. Our kissing grew more intense, our lips full of demand. His soul shone so b reformly that even that one kiss was enough to taste his energy. It was glorious. My whole embody thrilled to both it and his touch.He wrapped his arm around my waist, and without conscious thought, I began unbuttoning his shirt. He rolled me over so that I was the one on my back now and moved his mouth down to my neck. The kn ee-length dodges of this time gave him easy access to run his hand up my leg, and I touch myself closer to him, pulling at his clothes while his hungry lips moved farther and farther down. All the while, that beautiful bearing story filled me. I was drowning in it.When his lips reached the spot between my breasts, something seemed to jolt him to reality. He pulled up from me, running his hand over my hair as he looked down into my eyes.Oh God, he said. We cant do this. Not now. The mantra of moral men everywhere.We can, I said, surprised at the pleading in my own voice. It was the affection I felt for him speaking, not any agenda of Hells. I wanted necessary him to be closer to me.He sighed. Suzette, Suzette. I want to. But I want us to get married. I cant do this cant do this to you unless I bed youll be my wife. It isnt right otherwise.I stared up at him, dubiousness interfering with my desire. Are youare you proposing to me?Luc thought about it for a s and then grinne d again, giving me another of those radiant smiles that never failed to make my shopping center race. Yes. I guess I am. Wed have to look a wee bit wait until I had more money. But when the wars over, things will get better.This wars never going to be over, some gloomy part of me thought. But just now, that wasnt the real issue. His wanting to marry me was. It was impossible, of course. I could theoretically shape-shift so that I aged with him, all the while getting succubus finish on the side. Some succubi did that, having countless husbands over the centuries. Most didnt even stick about around. They just disappeared. Their marital vows meant nothing.Looking at him now, at that burning crawl in in his eyes, I felt my plaza torn in two. If I said yes, he would wrap me up again and make love to me. If I said no, he wouldnt not out of spite, but because of what was honorable. This could be so easy. Say yes. Promise Id marry him and take him now. I could put through my heart s longing, my bodys longing, and keep my good standing with Hell. I could leave after we were married. Or, easier still, get around attain the engagement.All I had to do was give him a false yes. Sex to him wasnt right without that. Really, it was a wonder he didnt insist on wait until mating. The commitment was apparently enough. He believed in me. He believed I was a good, honest person. If I said I loved him and would be true to him forever, then he would accept that. Just say yes.But the words stuck in my throat. I couldnt lie to him. I couldnt let him find out how base I really was. And as his lingering life energy burned inside me, I realized I couldnt divert more from him. The guilt of what Id done already was hitting me hard. It had only been the barest taste, but it had clipped time off of his life. And if I did back out of marriage after wed had sex, hed think what wed done had been wrong. A sin. A black mark on his soul.I slid out from under him and sat up. No, I sa id. I cant marry you.His happy face remained unchanged. It doesnt have to be now. And it doesnt even have to beabout this. He gestured to where Id just been lying in the grass. interchangeable I said, we couldnt get married for a while anyway.No, I repeated, my heart sinking. I cantI cant marry you. Ever. I cant diminished you. I assist about you too much. I cant take your light from the world.He must have seen something in my face, something that drove home the truth of my words. That smile faded. The sun disappeared behind clouds. My heart broke. I hastily stood up, suddenly unable to look at him. What was wrong with me? I didnt know. All I knew was that I couldnt stay there. I couldnt stay there and see him attenuateding. If I did, I would start sobbing. As it was, I could see rupture starting to sting my eyes.Suzette, waitI hurried away but soon heard him coming behind me. Even after my rejection, he didnt sound angry. He was concerned, overturned about me. I detest that even more. I wish Id control him into a rage. But, no, even something like thisit would wound him, yet he would revere both me and my choice.Which was why I had to stay away from him. Not just now, but always. I knew now that I couldnt be around someone I cared about. I couldnt stand the thought of causing pain to a loved one. I couldnt stand the thought of damning a good soul. Somewhere, somehow, after centuries of blithely harming others, I had gone horribly awry as a succubus. How? When? With Niccol?? Was it just the gradual sum of all the lives and souls Id harmed finally winning a toll on me?I was headed back for the hat shop. Bastien and I lived above it. I could still hear Luc following me, calling out to me that everything was okay. I knew if I made it inside, he wouldnt lift barging in after me. Hed probably knock politely at the door but would go away if Bastien told him to.I took a shortcut, cutting behind some buildings off the main road. I knew the way well, but i t was dark now, limiting my day-dream enough that I didnt see the soldier until I ran straight into him. He was standing so still and so solidly that it was like Id circumstantially run into one of the buildings walls. I bounced back, and he caught me by the shoulder.Easy there, he said. His French had a heavy German accent but was articulated well. Youll hurt yourself.He was a giant of a man, young and not unattractive. I couldnt quite tell in the fading light, but his constant made me think he was an policeman of some sort. He was joyous down at me and hadnt let go of my shoulder.Thank you, I said demurely. I tried to step back gracefully, but his grip was strong.You shouldnt be out here at all, he added. Its dangerous. Especially with curfew coming. Curfew was nowhere lift coming, despite the darkening sky. He looked me over as he spoke. My skirt had fallen back into place while running, but several buttons on my blouse had come undone with Luc and hadnt been fixed. It provi ded a pretty good vantage on my bra and cleavage.My house is just over there, I said. Ill just Ill just go now.The hand on my shoulder stayed locked where it was, but his other hand had slipped through the opening in my blouse and was tracing the shape of my breast. Great. After all the deep and traumatic revelations Id had tonight about the cursed life of a succubus, the last thing I needed was a Nazi feeling me up.Scratch that. There was something worse.Let her go.Lucs voice rang out behind me, and I winced. Id hoped Id lost him in the chase, but if he had seen me coming in this direction, he could have made a pretty good guess about which path I was taking home.Walk away, said the officer. This has nothing to do with you.Lucs fists were balled up. Let her go, he repeated. I wont tell you again.The officer laughed, but it was a harsh, terrible sound. You wont tell me anything.I tried my best to peer at Luc while still in that hard grip. Go, I told him. Itll be all right. Ill be o kay.Smart girl, said the German.Luc lunged at him, and I was shoved out of the way as the two men grappled with each other. I stared in horror. Everything happened so quickly that my brain barely had time to even register what I was seeing. Luc was strong and fast, but the other guy was huge and had a knife. I saw it flash briefly in what light was left, and then Lucs body went rigid. The officer stepped back, jerking the blade out of Lucs stomach as he did.I shrieked and tried to run toward him, but the Nazis arm stop me, grabbing hold of me once more. Lucs hands clutched at his stomach as caudex flowed from it. He looked down at it in disbelief, like he was waiting for a punch line to reveal itself, and then he collapsed to the run aground. I tried again to break free of my captor but couldnt. Lucs eyes gazed up at me, though his lips couldnt form any words as he lay there in that terrible agony, the life effusive out of his body.There, said the German officer, pulling me so that I was touch against his chest. His knife had disappeared to wherever it had come from, and the hand that had held it the hand that had stabbed Luc was reaching under my shirt again. Now there are no more distractions.I heard Luc make a strangled sound as the officer ripped open the last of my buttons. Enough of my numbed shock wore off that I remembered I could fight back here. I could shape-shift to twice this guys size and Thunk. The Nazis head lurched forward as something struck him from behind. His hold on me released, and he fell to the ground unconscious. Bastien stood behind him holding a hat block a heavy, move wooden object used for constructing hats.Id know your scream anywhere, he said.I had no time for his joking or to offer thanks. I boneped to my knees beside Luc and pulled off my blazer, frantically trying to use it to stop the bleeding. He was still conscious, and his eyes were on my face, still full of that hope and love that was so diagnostic of him. Bas tien knelt beside me, face solemn.No human medicine can fix this, Fleur, he said quietly.I know. Id known as soon as Id seen Luc fall. It was why I hadnt displace Bastien to get help. Oh God. This cant be happening.Itsall right. Lucs words were barely audible, and I had a feeling he was choking on blood. Youre effectiveall that matters He coughed again, and this time I did see blood come near his lips.No, no, I said. It wasnt worth it. It wasnt worth it. None of this should have happenedIt was my fault. All my fault. Luc had come to save me from the German. Id run into the German because Id fled from Luc. And Id fled from Luc because Id suddenly latched on to a moral high ground and refused to have sex with him. If Id just given inif Id just said Id marry him and taken him like a succubus should have, this never would have happened. We would have been lying in the grass right now, naked in each others arms. Instead, hed died in this alley because of me, because of my weakness. I was a succubus whod tried to act human and Id done a bad job at both.Luc was beyond speech now. Everything was said with his eyes as he gazed at me, like I was some angel sent to carry him home. Bastien nudged me.Fleur, hes going to stay alive a little while. You know how long stomach wounds take. Its agony.I know, I growled, choking off a sob. You dont need to tell me.Bastiens voice was grave. You can stop it. Ease his suffering.I stared at Bastien incredulously. What do you expect me to do? Go get that knife and finish him?He shook his head. Hes only got a little life left, Fleur. Only a little. You wont need to do much.I didnt get it right away. When I did, I felt my eyes go wide. NoI cantHe dies regardless, said Bastien. You can make it fastersweeterI was still shaking my head, but Bastiens words had penetrated. He was right. He was right, and I hated him because he was right. Turning from Bastien, I looked back at Luc, whose brow Id been cerebrovascular accident with my hand . His gaze was still turned upward, still at me. A drop of water fell on his cheek, and I realized it was one of my tears.Good-bye, Luc, I said softly. It seemed like I should say a million other things to him, but I couldnt form the words. So, instead, I leaned down and brought my lips to his. I pressed against them, making full contact, though it had none of the animal passion from before. This was gentler. A whisper of a kiss.But as Bastien had said, it didnt take much. The beautiful, silvery fragrance of his life energy flowed into me. It was just as pure and perfect as before and it was gone quickly. I took it into me and sat up, just as Luc exhaled his last breath. The eyes that had watched me so adoringly saw nothing now. I sat up and leaned against Bastien.I killed him, I said, no longer holding the tears back.You brought him peace. You were his angel. It was an eerie echo of my earlier sentiments.No, thisI mean, before. He shouldnt have been out here. Hes here becausebeca use of me. If Id slept with him, this wouldnt have happened. But I couldnt. I didnt want to hurt himdidnt want to taint himand then this happened.Bastien put his arm around me. If it makes you feel better, his soul wont be going to our people.I buried my face in his shoulder. This is my fault. My faultI should have done what I was supposed to do. I was ready to then he asked me to marry him and damn it. I should have done it. I should have lied. It would have been better for everyone. I dont know how this happened.It happened because you get too close to them, said Bastien. He was stern but trying hard to be gentle. Men like thisanyone like thisthey enchant you, Fleur. You get attached and then you get hurt.Or I hurt them, I murmured.You need to stay indifferent.Its getting worse, I said. Every time, its harder on me. I dont understand. Whats happening to me? Whats wrong with me?Immortality, he said wisely. Too many years.What do you know? Youre younger than me.Bastien helped me s tand, though I was reluctant to let Luc go. I know that you cant keep doing this. Listen to what I said dont get attached to these good ones. No matter what you do, it wont end well.I wont go near the good ones at all, I said in a small voice. No more. Im staying away from them altogether.Bastiens kindly mien dropped. Thats ridiculous, he scoffed. Werent you listening to me earlier? You cant go after immoral men for eternity. Youd get no energy. Youd have to do it every other day.I looked down at Luc, Luc who had loved me and gotten killed for me. My fault. All my fault.Never again, I said. I wont ever hurt anyone like that again.When I returned to the box in the dark, I didnt need the Oneroi to clarify me. All of that dream had been true except for the last part. It had been a lie. I had continued to hurt people, over and over.